FrankenSpam: A Story of Love and Marketing Ignorance
by: Donna Monday
In a remote corner of Transylvania,in a large and
gloomy dark castle, there lived a lonely creature.
This creature lived alone and was not of ordinary
human origins. He had been created by Dr. FrankenSpam,
a mad webmaster who’d foolishly thought he could
create the perfect human marketing machine. However,
the experiment failed when it was discovered that the
creature had no aptitude for using the Internet.
His dream of making millions from email marketing
shattered, Dr. FrankenSpam accepted a teaching
position at the University of California at Berkeley
and abandoned his castle and his creation.
The creature languished on in solitary exile, afraid
to show it’s face at the local village. His scary
appearance frightened anyone who happened to catch a
glimpse. Everyone that is, except a bright young woman
touring Transylvania on vacation.
Several locals had told her about the strange creature
who lived in a castle. One day, she decided to
investigate for herself. The woman, whose name is
Karen Cash, gets directions to the castle and heads
out.
By the time Karen arrives at the castle it’s nearly
dark, which gives the place a spooky air. Undaunted,
Karen boldly climbs the huge steps and rings the
doorbell. Much to her surprise, the creature answers
the door and gives her a lopsided smile.
“How do you do? I’m Karen Cash,” she said.
The creature grunts out his name.
“FrankenSpam. Good to meet you.”
The creature lets Karen in, which is the beginning of
a beautiful and strange friendship.
One day while visiting with the creature (who she
calls Frankie), he shows her a large book containing
notes written by his creator, Dr. FrankenSpam. The
notes detail FrankenSpam’s plan to use the creature’s
large brain and nimble fingers to create a non-stop
super Internet spammer.
The creature was capable of sending out thousands of
spam messages a day and could quickly dominate the
Internet marketing world—generating millions of
dollars. That is, if he could somehow be taught to
fall in love with surfing and working on the Net.
Karen Cash knew she had stumbled onto a potential gold
mine for herself and immediately started scheming a
way to get Frankie to do her bidding and start
spamming for dollars. This proved to be easier than
she thought, since Frankie had fallen in love with
her.
In FrankenSpam’s lab, Karen sat Frankie down in front
of the high-speed computer system and began teaching
him how to set up free email accounts and write fast-
buck marketing copy.
Soon, Frankie became a real pro at surfing the net and
signing up for countless affiliate programs to
promote. By sweet talking the creature, Karen got
Frankie to quickly learn how to tap into his natural
spamming abilities.
Almost overnight, Frankie became an enthusiastic
spammer. He sat at the computer day and night
utilizing sophisticated spamming software that sent
out thousands of spam messages to unsuspecting email
addresses.
He intuitively knew how to use autoresponders to avoid
the angry flame messages. Frankie was happy. This is
what he had been created for! Finally, Frankie felt he
had a true purpose in life, and a true friend in
Karen.
A whole month went by and Karen’s plan seemed to be
working perfectly. However, one day when she checked
her online bank account, she was astonished to find
that all she’d made was a few thousand dollars.
What happened to the millions?
Karen studied her affiliate stats. Although Frankie’s
spam was blanketing the entire Web, they were only
signing up 1 out of every 10,000!
Dr. FrankenSpam’s plan was a complete failure. There
were no riches to be made from email spamming. Plus,
it made a lot of people very angry. Spam cops were
always on their tail trying to shut them down.
Karen broke the news to Frankie, but he didn’t
understand. This is what he was created to do. How
could it not be good?
When Frankie woke up the next morning, Karen was gone.
She left him a note saying she was going home to write
a book about her travels, and they’d never see each
other again.
Heartbroken, Frankie sat down at the computer and
stared at the screen. He didn’t feel like spamming
anymore—not with Karen gone. What would he do with his
life now?
Frankie aimlessly surfed the Internet until he came
across a web site that caught his attention. A place
where he could make new friends regardless of what he
looked like. Frankie signed up.
That was the best decision he ever made.
Frankie discovered online dating and met a woman named
Peggy. Peggy moved to Transylvania where they got
married, sold Transylvania trinkets from their web
site, and lived happily ever after.
Oh. And by the way,
Frankie FrankenSpam never spammed anyone ever again.
THE END
About the author: Donna Monday Copyright 2005 Are Pop
Up Ads pooping out your c omputer? Is Spyware stealing
your privacy?
http://www.1minutesolutions.com/Freespywarescan.html
-----------------------------------
This story by Donna Monday talks about a serious
issue, spamming. I know in my email box i get it
daily. You can try to turn these around if they are
not coming from an autoresponder. Simply thank them
for the information and give them a valuable tip, a
link to your website. send this to them and hope they
get the message.
Faye Brown
For a great system that dose not promote spamming or
anything illegal on the Internet visit:
Forward In Internet Marketing
posted by Faye Brown @ 11:23 AM
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